I was laid off from my job last year on March 31st 2017. I had worked there for 11 years. When I decided to write about it, I was going to share all of the details about how it happened, why it happened and the ups and downs of looking for a new job. However, none of those pesky details of my unemployment are really that important. What IS important is that I came out of the experience realizing that losing my job was a huge blessing.
I’m a pretty type ‘A’ person by nature……I like things to be orderly, I like to stick to a schedule and I don’t like surprises. Frankly, surprises stress me out. For the last 15 years or so I’ve kept a pretty steady life schedule – within reason. I worked my full time 8-5 job Monday thru Friday. I am an avid exercise girl (I teach indoor cycling classes part time evenings and weekends – look for a post on that soon) so I would go straight from work to the gym 4-5 nights a week. After the gym I would take care of any errands that needed to be done. When I got home I would get a few things done around the house – cleaning, laundry, bills etc. Weekends would be more of that – gym, errands, chores and I would schedule some fun in there as well. I was living my life pretty structured and pretty rigid. Flexibility was not in my vocabulary.
I am very fortunate that I have the best friends in the world AND an amazing family. I consider myself very, very lucky. I love spending time with the people I care about the most. I had a problem though. My constant focus on my to do list and what I had or had NOT accomplished that day, that week or that month was hurting my relationships. If a friend sent a text asking if I could meet for dinner this week, my first thought was how it would disrupt my schedule. I mean the day she wanted to meet was the same night that Jason, my favorite yoga instructor taught. How was I going to get my yoga fix? And if I met for dinner, I would probably get home later than I normally do. That was the night of the week that I normally cleaned the bathrooms. Crap! This dinner would mess up my whole week.
This is going to sound terrible but I was almost a little annoyed that dinner with a friend was going to disrupt my structure. How crazy is that? I was annoyed that a dear friend wanted to spend time with me???? What?!?!?!
I’m not proud of these thoughts. I’m not proud at all. But that was my reality. My to-do list was taking priority over the relationships with the people I cherished. I would of course end up agreeing to meet my friend and I would have a fabulous time, but it would cause me stress. I would think every day about how I could “make up” that productive time that I had lost. What could I do to get that time back? Get up earlier one day that week? Skip a workout at the gym? Something would have to give from my to-do list just because I agreed to meet a friend for dinner.
Sadly, I rarely viewed this impromptu time with my friend as time gained. I was so focused on the time I thought I had lost “being productive” that I didn’t see the time with a friend for what it was – THE most productive way I could spend my time. I had a moment to catch up with someone I loved - a few hours hearing about the challenges my friend was struggling with in her life. How could I not see that this was a true gift – spending time with this amazing person.
So here’s where it gets better. When I was laid off (for 10 weeks) I suddenly had the greatest gift given to me. I was given the gift of time.
Precious, abundant, life changing TIME.
The first week of my unemployment I followed no schedule at all. I went to bed when I wanted, I got up when I wanted, I worked out at odd times, I cleaned my house from top to bottom (and had plenty of time to do it), I purged my entire house and took car loads of junk to Goodwill AND the dumpster. I was incredibly busy but it was all on MY time and was done at a nice leisurely pace, with no self- imposed deadlines hanging over my head.
After about 10 days of this I suddenly had nothing “to-do”. Everything was done. What the hell- now what? Pick up a new hobby? Binge watch TV shows I’d always heard people talking about but I never had the time to check out? Take a trip? None of those sounded right so I did the only thing that made sense. I started making plans with friends and family. I filled up my calendar!
I scheduled lunches with my dad. I made dinner plans with my aunt. I went to a Shakespeare in the Park play one evening with family. I organized a winery day with a few high school and college girlfriends. I met up with co-workers who had also been laid off when I was. I suddenly had a very full and FUN calendar. I went on some sort of social outing almost every day. It was almost like I got a little dose of what retirement is going to be like. It was wonderful. I suddenly had these strengthened bonds with old friends and my amazing family. We reconnected in a new way because I was more present than I had ever been. I wasn’t so pre-occupied with all of the things I thought I “should” be doing. I listened better, I followed up with phone calls if I found out there was something stressful going on in someone’s life. Being laid off for all of those weeks made me a better daughter, a better sister and a better friend.
So what about today? Am I using what I learned during my unemployment? You bet I am! And I couldn’t be happier!
I work a full time job – 40+ hours a week. I teach 2-3 indoor cycling classes a week and I’ve just started this little Live your Shine blog. I am busy to say the least. But……..my house is a mess most of the time. I really don’t care. I can let mail pile up for a week or two and clothes might sit in the dryer for 3 days waiting to be folded. I dust less often than I used to. In the past letting these things slide like that would have given me hives. This is the new me though. It’s all fine and my life is just as it should be. An out of control and messy house doesn’t really bother me and it shouldn’t. I am doing more things I love and I am spending more time with PEOPLE rather than my toilet brush and vacuum.
This is the way life should be lived.
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